Waiting

My, oh my...we love waiting, don't we?

What do you mean, no? Of course we love waiting! We must, we aspiring novelists. It's all we do sometimes.

What? Write another book?

Well, if you insist.

Actually, I have discovered that writing another book does not, in fact, cure the Waiting-To-Hear-From-The-Editor Blues. It does, however, make the wait easier to bear by keeping your mind somewhere else for a while. Let's face it, when you have you manuscript with the editor for the Publishing House of the Rich and Famous, there's only so much you can do before your mind wanders back to that mental image so many of us have: the stack of papers on the editor's desk, with your poor, defensless manuscript somewhere in the pile. The editor sits there at his or her desk, a nice, red REJECTION stamp at the ready. Only air separates that editor's hand from the stamp, and only air separates that stamp from you precious manuscript.

Of course, there are different variations. Sometimes the REJECTION stamp has a mouth filled with teeth, and it's literally drooling all over your manuscript in delicious anticipation of the stamping orgy to come. In this particular piece of demetia, I often hear the REJECTION stamp screaming "Reject! Reject!" over and over while it covers my work with liters and liters of red ink. It brings to mind the restaurant scene in When Harry Met Sally. The sheer ecstasy of the stamp as it bellows "Reject!" visible in the twisted, passionate grin on its face. So many...er...somethings (what is red ink made of, anyway?)...wasted just to stamp on my poor little story and send some extra dough to those downtrodden ER doctors as they try to revive me. But hey, ER doctors have to eat, too. Right?

Ok, so maybe that's just me (I get that a lot). I'm sure editors don't really have a bright red REJECTION stamp. Or do they? Anyone know?

Damn, I got off point again. Where was I?

Oh, yeah...waiting. It sucks, doesn't it? The uncertainty of it all. Sometimes I wonder why we put up with it.

What? What do you mean we have to? The editors are only human and can only go through so many submissions before they finally crack and come to work packing heat in the form of bologna sandwiches and mustard? That's pretty bad. Not the "editors are people" part, the "bologna sandwiches and mustard" part. I can't believe I wrote that. Oh, well. I'm way to lazy to go back and delete it. I'll leave it as it is and hope y'all chalk it up to nerves.

My friend Aprilynne had me beat a while back when it came to waiting. She was waiting for a lot more editors than I was, and she was also waiting on a baby. For any guys who might be reading this; trust me, pregnancy beats anything you can throw at a woman in an "Oh, yeah? Well I..." contest.


EXAMPLE:

Pregnant Woman: My back hurts.

Unsympathetic Male: I got hit by a bus yesterday. It broke five ribs, both femurs, three vertebrae, gave me a concussion, and ruined my new jeans. The doctor said I might be in this wheelchair for years before my spine is healed enough for me to walk again.

Pregnant Woman: Oh, yeah? Wait until YOU are pregnant, then you can talk to me about pain.

Much-Chagrined, Formerly Unsympathetic Male: You're right. I'm sorry. Please put the knife down.


OK, ok. We all know that was a joke. You can ALL put the knives down, now. Ok? Please?

Good.

Anyway, where was I? Dammit. I went off on a tangent again. I gotta lay off the espresso. That stuf'll kill ya!

Waiting. Yes, waiting. that is where I am, and that is where I will stay. Well, not literally. I meant the conversation will stay on waiting. As the topic. Waiting will be the topic of the conversation....oh, never mind.

The point is I am waitng on editorial decision from four editors for two separate books. It sucks now, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Sooner or later my waiting will be over. I'll hear a yes, or a no, and that'll be the end of that.

Well, actually, if it's a yes, I guess I'll still be waiting. Waiting for the edits. Waiting for the Galleys. Waiting for the ARCS, then the reviews, then the release date, then the royalties, then more reviews...ad infinitum.

Come to think of it, I guess that just proves my first point (how dare you argue with me and cause me to make an idiot of myself...shame on you!). We really must love waiting. Otherwise, why would we bother writing?

The writer's life: Hurry up and wait.

'tis true.

See Y'all!