We live for compliments, don’t we? As people, we love it when someone says “You look nice today,” or “That was a good idea.” It’s human nature to enjoy the knowledge that someone else sees you in a positive light. More so, as writers, our world always gets a little brighter when someone says to us “Hey, that was great,” or “I really liked the part where so-and-so…” These are great coming from anybody. Family, betas, etc. But they are especially wonderful when they come from people within the industry. Like when an agent says you are a very good writer, or an editor says you have a very interesting premise. I dunno about y’all, but when I hear things like that it tends to give me a morale boost, and during the ugly (for most of us) submissions process, any boost in morale is always appreciated.
On the other side of the coin, a single negative comment can ruin a whole day’s worth of compliments. A writer’s morale can drop to new lows whenever someone says “Sorry, this story just isn’t right for us.” Ouch. That stings. We all know how that feels, right? And it’s hard not to take those rejections personally.
But aside from closing a market for a single project, what is the publisher saying? They didn’t compliment you, so it really must be an insult or slight, right? Wrong.
Think of it as a new shirt. You are proud of your new shirt. You liked it, that’s why you bought it. So you wear your new shirt to work. Four coworkers tell you they love it. One tells you it’s not bad, but not something they would wear. Another coworker tells you your new shirt is so hideous she wouldn’t use it to wipe her bottom.
Unfortunately, most of us are wired so that we would pay more attention to the negative comment than the positive, which is a shame because negative comments are not always personal. Like the person who said the shirt wasn’t right for them. She wasn’t saying she didn’t like you, just your shirt. “We can still be friends. Just don’t expect me to like your shirt.”
The coworker who wouldn’t use your new shirt to wipe her bum? Well, it’s likely she’s either having a very bad day or she isn’t someone you’d want to associate with, anyway.
Most publisher rejections fall into “We can still be friends…” category. That’s all they are saying. Not “We hate your story and by extension, you,” but “This story isn’t quite for us. Let us know when you have something else.”
So when those rejections come (and unless you are a one-in-a-billion phenomenon of the writing world, they do come), remember it’s NOT personal. It’s more like getting a game piece from a Coke bottle that says “Sorry, please try again.” Disappointing? Yes. Personal? Nope.
But compliments? Heck, take those any way you want to. Chances are you earned ‘em.
See Y’all!
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7 comments:
Gosh, don't compliments just make your day? My agent is reading my new book and e-mailed me yesterday to tell me that she is not quite finished but is "absolutely loving it." Can you say floating on a cloud for the rest of the day? She didn't say she'll represent it, heck, she hasn't even finished it. But so far, she loves it and that is good enough for me . . . for the moment.:)
My rejections have all had something to do with the "narrative drive," but we won't talk about those.;)
Good luck as you continue wading through the sludge we call submission. *choke*
:)
So true! The other thing I found was if I had multiple queries/submissions out at a time, it didn't hurt as much when a rejection would come in. Rather than having my heart set on one particular agent, I could shrug and say, "Oh well, other fish in the sea are looking at the MS and might like it better!"
(Er... I said this after wallowing in pity (and sangria) for a moment or two. Even with multiples out there, rejection stings.)
Best of luck surviving submissions! =)
David, great post! :*) You're right! Humans are wired to pay more attention to the negative than the positive. We don't intend to but it's inevitable. Great point! :*)
nice analogy--the coke bottle top. i will use that in all my rejection letters going forward. "don't take this personally..."
Sorry Please Try again. Heh that's going up on the wall where I hope to post some rejections soon. Nice post.
That's a great post, David -- insightful and thoughtful. We writers have to be careful how we deal with rejections because, alas, they can deflate us so easily.
I have a quote up on my wall, which helps me remember to keep all things in moderation, whether in dealing with acceptance or with rejection, and I'll share it with you:
"The way we respond to criticism pretty much depends on the way respond to praise. If praise humbles us, then criticism will build us up. But if praise inflates us, then criticism will crush us; and both responses lead to our defeat." ~ Warren W. Wiersbe
oh that's a great metaphor. i love it!
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