Why, Yes. I Am A Nitwit.

Oh, my…where does the time go? For those of you familiar with Miss Snark, you may be saying “Yer too late, David. The anniversary was yesterday. Moron!” To you I say, I am not a moron, but I am a nitwit.

Sometime in the early days of this month, I was informed via comment that the talented and wonderful Patricia Wood was going to have a tribute to the gin-guzzling, Clooney-chasing, advice-giving Snarky One. The comment Pat left for me is still there, go look at it. I left it there as proof of my nitwittery. Seriously, go look. I’ll wait right here.

Are you back? Good. So you see…I have no excuse for missing the beautiful post by Ms. Wood. I had plenty of warning and lots of time to prepare. My excuse? Other than sheer Nitwittery, my in-laws arrived from Maine yesterday for their annual visit. I was kinda busy with them and forgot all about the Miss Snark Anniversary post.

Bummer.

I really wanted to sneak in there and let her know I got an agent, too. Even if my book hasn’t sold yet. Hey, I’m partially there, right? What? No? I’m still a nitwit?

Ah, crud. Some things never change…

Well, Miss Snark, I would like to take this opportunity to add my voice and my thanks to the many others you have received, even if I am too late to chime in to Pat’s post (I tried…it’s blocked). Thanks for putting up with all us nitwits and wannabe snarklings. I still go back and read your blog every once in a while just because there is so much information to be found there (those 300,000 hits since you closed up shop that Pat was talking about?. Yeah…prolly half those are yours truly).

Anyway, for all you folks out there who miss the Great Snark, go check out Pat's blog, and also Tyhitia’s. They both have tributes, as I am sure many, many others do. The key difference between theirs and mine, of course, is they managed to get their tribute posts in on time.

Leave it to the Nitwit to forget.

Flash Fiction Stuff - Fun In 100 Words!

If you zip on over to the Absolute Write Water Cooler, you may find that Haggis, one of the mods, has issued a flash fiction horror challenge.

This is purty darn cool. I've never done any flash fiction before, but Tyhitia talked me into submitting one, so I did. Then I did another...and another...and another. It was pretty fun. A short distraction, yes...but still fun. You can all read them at the Absolute Write Water Cooler, I just gotta say two things first:

1) The flash fiction challenge has really shown me what kind of sick minds (like mine) write this stuff. More than one of them got a nice, fat "EEEEEW!" from me.

2) Some of them (including mine) have strong language. Fair warning.



See Y'all!

Likes and Dislikes (aka, Scare Me!)

What do you guys like to read?

For the most part, I like books that scare me. Now, I read a lot of different genres, but if I get a shiver while reading a book, or if I am thinking to myself “Don’t go in that room CHARACTER, you’re gonna regret it!” then I’m happy as a pig in…well…you know the rest. Southern colloquialisms…ya gotta love ‘em.

I also like some fantasy. It has to be done a certain way, though. I used to love the Xanth books, but I had to stop reading somewhere around The Color of Her Panties. I just couldn’t get past all the puns. For my fantasy book-buying dollars, I’ll take Margaret Weis and Tracey Hickman, R.A. Salvatore, Robert Jordan, and Terry Goodkind (although Goodkind does get a little long-winded from time to time).

Then there are thrillers. Yeah, I like those, too. Michael Crichton, James Rollins, Lisa Gardner, Alex Kava, and Robert Liparulo are just a few of my favorites in this genre. There are also some up-and-comers like Jeremy Robinson and Scott Sigler. Anytime you can read about a character getting eaten by a creature that hasn’t existed on this planet in several hundred million years or so, you have my undivided attention. Aaaah…good times. Goooood times.

But what most of those books have in common is that, at some point in the book, they creeped me out or even scared the poo outta me. THAT’s what I like. Like in Scott Sigler’s Ancestor when that fetus attacked a camera while still in the womb. Ooooh…shivers. Or in Steven King’s The Stand when a group of loincloth-clad black soldiers led a rebellion of sorts against the rest of the company, executing all of them in game-show fashion (the set up resembled The Price is Right). I still have nightmares about those two scenes.

One of my proudest moments as a writer (especially since I’m not published yet) came when one of my beta readers told me she had to sleep with the lights on after reading a scene I wrote. Big smile in McAfee Land that day. Shortly afterward, another beta told me she actually had nightmares about the same scene. Ooh! I scared TWO people with it. You can insert the theme from Rocky here, if you want to.

Alas, that book was not able to snag an agent, for all its charms (personally, I still love that book…but what do I know?).

But these things are selective, aren’t they? I mean, watching an unborn prehistoric animal fetus stare at a camera and attack it (with a mouth full of razors…a frickin’ FETUS, mind you!) might not have the same effect on some of you as it did me. So you guys tell me….when it comes to horror (or thrillers with horror elements), what does it for you? Are you a creep-factor reader? Do you like to read about some heretofore unknown critter chomping down on people’s vital organs? Maybe you like the psycho in the bathroom with a butcher knife theme. Or maybe you just pass on that stuff altogether in favor of Mitch Albom (who is friggin’ GREAT, BTW) or Nicholas Sparks.

You tell me. What floats your boat?

Egads! I've Been Double-Tagged!!

Yo-Ho, me hearties, Yo-Ho!! Ok, why did I say that? oh, I know, it's because I've got the lovely and talented Adrienne Kress on the brain. That's why. And as we all know (and if you didn't know, you should have known...what's wrong with you, anyway?), Adrienne is the author of Alex and the Ironic Gentleman, which is a phenominal book about a clever and resourceful little girl named Alex who has a remarkable adventure that involves...oh, life and death, treasure and a huge talking octopus (that's Extremely Ginormous Octopus, thank you very much), and...and...what else? Oh, yeah...Pirates! Right...that's where the Yo-Ho comes in. Ok, full circle now. I got it. Anyway, the book really is great, and if you don't have it you should go buy it. Right now.

Seriously, go buy it. I'll wait for ya.

You back? Good.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah...double-tagged. Well, the other person to tag me with this is Michael from Avatar Lore. While Mike didn't write Alex and the Ironic Gentleman, he did write Sanctuary of the Mind, which you should also go and get if you haven't already read it. Hey, and it's free, no less! Go. Go now. I'll wait (again...yer such a slacker for not having these two books already...sheesh!).

You back? Good. Now no more interruptions.

Shit. I got lost again...wait...let me reread what I've written. Gimme a sec...

OH YEAH! Ok. Hey...I said Yo-Ho. That could get me slapped under some circumstances. But y'all forgive me, don't ya? Please? I knew you would.

But anyway, thanks for bearing with me (hey...do you think bears ever get offended by that phrase? I mean, no one ever says "Please, onion with me" or "Hey, rhino with me for a moment while I collect my thoughts."). As I said a few minutes ago, I've been tagged! Twice. With the same tag. Yeah. Me. Mr. Quiet. Go figure.

So, the rules are thus:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the first five sentences and write them down.
4. Invite five friends to do the same.

I am going to cooperate with rules 1-3, but I'm gonna leave 4 alone. Yeah, I know...spoilsport, right? So, hey...if any of y'all feel like joining in, consider this your open invitation. IOW - TAG!

But for the rest of us, here we go...

The book closest to me is Dawn, by the late, great Octavia Butler. I actually have not read this particular Butler book yet, but I doubt the 5 sentences will ruin the book for me. So here we go...the first five sentences on page 123 of Dawn (I should note I am going to do the first five FULL sentences...the rules were vague on that part):

She really was bright; she had memorized poetry, plays, songs - her own and those of more established writers. She had something that would help future human children remember who they were. The Oankali thought she was unstable, but not dangerously so. They had to drug her because she injured herself trying to break free of what she called her cage. She had broken both her arms.

Wow. That sounds cool, doesn't it? Ok, now I have to read it. What's her name? I dunno. I like this exercise. Thanks Mike and Adrienne. Try and imagine me slapping the palm of my hand on my monitor in an impromptu high-five. I say try and imagine it because (A) you wouldn't see if it I did and (B) I ain't actually gonna slap my monitor. You crazy? Darn things are expensive...unless you steal one. But then you go to jail and have a big ugly cellmate who thinks you're "Mighty Purty" and so I guess it ends up costing you anyway, so...uh...no. No monitor slapping.

Sheesh, how do I get so sidetracked? Must be the crack.

In any case, thanks for stopping by, folks. Thanks Mike and Adrienne for chiming in and tagging me even though I've been in strict lurk mode online the last few weeks. Feels good to be included. :)

A'ight, all. It's bed time for moi. Y'all have a great night and a great tomorrow!

See Y'all!

I Just Wrote A Scene That Is Going To Haunt Me

Howdy all. I'm back. Sorry for the long silence...it's been one of "those" months. Mike - I saw that you tagged me. I wasn't ignoring ya. I'll do the tag in my next post. Promise.

So after a very unproductive last 4 weeks, I sat down tonight to write a scene I have been dreading. Not because I didn't think I could write it, but because it's something that, in striving for authenticity, I knew I was going to be writing something that would turn my stomach.

My current WIP involves the spirit of an adolescent African American boy who died in the rural south not long after the civil rights movement. What bothered me about it is the boy's death. It's bad. he dies at the hands of a group of white supremacists in a time and place where there just isn't much law. Now, the nature of his death is supposed to be violent, that's part of the story and a primary motivator for revenge, but damn it all...I didn't want to write it.

Not the least concern was the language. We all know the kind of filth those folks spew, and I have to say I found the prospect of writing any of it down to be one of the most distasteful things I've done as an aspiring writer. But I guess that's kid of the point, isn't it? If I, the writer, can make myself cringe, then the reader should get just as angry, right?

Well, that's what I was going for. I dunno if I pulled it off. But I do know I am going to have some ugly dreams tonight. That's probably my cosmic payback for thinking up this darn scene in the first place. This poor kid's death is just so damn wrong. LAPD with less restraint.

ugh.

As an aside - Thank you Tyhitia, for the "sorta" pep-talk about this scene. I took your advice.


Now I need to go wash my hands.

See Y'all!

Okay, I can announce it now!!!!

My friend Jeremy Robinson has been signed to a three book deal by St. Martin's Press!

WOOOHOOOO!

Jeremy has worked very, very hard for this, and he deserves it. He's had several books published through a smaller press, and has marketed each one aggressivly and proven to be a solid investment for any of the big boys, and now, at long last, SAINT FRIGGIN' MARTIN'S!!!

Oh, man! This was awesome news, and I hated keeping it bottled up, but I couldn't say anything until he posted it himself.

I'm so excited! Not just for him but for me. There IS hope! I CAN do this! That's what these stories tell me. Aprilynne, Jeremy, Scott Sigler...they all prove it can be done.

Thanks to all three of those I have mentioned. You guys are what keeps me pecking away at the comp. Someday...someday I'll be able to join you up there on that lofty plateau.

Congratulations, Jeremy! You EARNED this!

See Y'all!

P.S. Here is the announcement posted on Jeremy's site. I lifted it right from the website. Hope he doesn't mind...

03/10/2007 - BIG NEWS! I can now confirm that I have landed a THREE BOOK DEAL with St. Martins Press! I've been working on this for a year now and all the hard work has finally paid off. The three books are a series based on a team of Delta Force operatives known as the Chess Team: King, Queen, Rook, Knight, Bishop and their handler, Deep Blue.

The three novels are tentatively titled ROUSE, PULSE and SPEAK. Here's the description of book one published in Publisher's Marketplace:

Jeremy Robinson's, ROUSE, book one of the Chess Team series, combines the twisting plotlines and high adventure of James Rollins with the frantic pacing of Matthew Reilly. The team of Delta Force operatives battle a terrorist-friendly biopharmaceutical company working on human limb regeneration, whose experiments unleash the pinnacle of physical regeneration-the ancient creature known as the Hydra.

This is an amazing, career making deal and I'm thrilled and honored to have been signed by such a great publisher. For those who don't know, St. Martin's is the publisher of Matthew Reilly, Stel Pavlou, David Lynn Goleman and Robert Ludlum. Now that is good company!

Brett Favre (Yes...Another Football Post)

I had to take a couple of days before I talked about this. Not because I am emotionally distraught or anything, but because I really wasn’t sure what to say. If you look around online you’ll see plenty of sports writers who have already weighed in with their comments. But I’m not a sports writer. In fact, I’m barely a sports fan. I like football and, to a lesser extent, baseball, but that’s just about it. I’m not one of those guys who spends their free time glued to ESPN watching the US Open, or the Rock, Paper Scissors championship on ESPN2 (NOTE: I didn’t make that up…there really IS a professional Rock, Paper, Scissors league, complete with coaches, sponsors, spandex attire, and…er…athletes).

Still, as a football fan, it would be almost impossible not to have an opinion on Brett Favre’s retirement. Even as a Dallas fan, I like Favre. He’s hard not to like. Green Bay is my 2nd favorite team after the Cowboys, and it’s sad to see a legend like Favre pack it in. But at the same time the guy has had a long career, much longer than most NFL quarterbacks (Vinny Testaverde notwithstanding), and he deserves to walk away if that’s what he wants. But it’s not just the length of his tenure as starting QB that sets him apart, it’s the accomplishments he made during that time.

Favre loved to throw the football. I think if you look back on his career, that is one statement you will find to be true above all else. He loved to throw, and he was good at it. The numbers back him up, too. Most passing yards ever in a career, most TD passes ever in a career, most passes completed in a career, most passes attempted in a career, most career wins, the list goes on and on. These are all records held by Favre, many of them he broke this past year. There’s also his record for most passes intercepted by an opposing team…yep, he holds that rather dubious record, as well. Which all points to the simple truth…Brett Favre loved to throw. And when he did, it wasn’t so much a throw as it was the firing of a football from a cannon. Brett's arm was (and is) just plain dangerous. When he first started in Green bay, one of his receivers actually commented to the effect that when Brett threw, he was trying to put holes in people. Yeah. The ball came that hard.

He played every game like he was having a great time, and it showed. I truly believe it was never about the money or the fame for Brett, but simple love of the game. And the game loved him back, to the tune of two Super Bowl appearances and one Super Bowl win. Many great QBs never get that win; look at Jim Kelly and Fran Tarkenton. But the folks in Wisconsin knew early on that Brett would bring the Lombardi Trophy back to Titletown someday, and Brett proved them right in 1997. It was the first time since 1968 that Green Bay was able to lay claim to the trophy named after their own legendary head coach, Vince Lombardi.

So when he says he has nothing left to prove, I get it. He holds just about every record worth having and he has that lovely Super Bowl ring and legions of Farve lovers all over the world. He’s a lock for the Hall of Fame, and his career is already legendary, from playing after losing 30 inches of his intestine to playing just days after his father’s death. If you ask some of the younger QBs in the NFL these days, many of them will point to Favre as someone who inspired them when they were kids (including Tony Romo).

Aaron Rogers, Brett’s backup, has a mighty big pair of shoes to fill as the new starting QB for Green Bay. Luckily, he’s good, and I think he will do well. BUT, he is replacing one of the NFL’s greatest living legends. The folks in Green Bay used to say that Brett was good, but he’s no Bart Starr. I think Rogers will be plagued by statements that he is good, but he’s no Brett Favre. I also think he has enough talent to overcome them, but that’s just my opinion. In a town with streets named after Bart Starr and Brett Favre, is there room for an Aaron Rogers Blvd?

We will see what the future holds for the Green Bay Packers, which, for those who don’t know, is actually the NFL franchise with the most championships (they were winning the Big Games long before there was a Super Bowl). But I wouldn’t be surprised to see Favre on the sidelines before too long. Maybe as a QB coach or an offensive coordinator.

He does love to throw the football, after all.